


Though my mistakes cost me something

by nothingbutknivesandlint



Category: Avengers: Endgame - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And because I'm still upset that s o m e o n e didn't get a s o m e t h i n g, I wrote this because I love Clint with all my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 11:39:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingbutknivesandlint/pseuds/nothingbutknivesandlint
Summary: And as he was begging her to hang on, urgently trying to figure out how to save her, how to sacrifice himself in her place, she let go.And his world ended.





	Though my mistakes cost me something

**Author's Note:**

> 'Cause I won't break for nothing  
> Though my mistakes cost me something  
> It's all that I can do, and it's more than I can take,  
> But I won't break  
> \- Break, Rebecca Roubion

Hanging on to the edge of the cliff, he desperately tried to hold on to her hand. He was determined he should be the one to make the sacrifice. It couldn’t be her; she was too good. She had lived a good life since she joined SHIELD, and she had continuously shown her innate goodness in all the events that followed. (And she was good before SHIELD too; she just didn’t believe it.) But Clint… Well, he used to be good. Until he started going by Ronin. Started killing people. Started believing that if innocent, good people could die, then the bad ones should die too. He would make sure of it. 

So it couldn’t be her. It had to be him. She was good; he wasn’t. And as he was begging her to hang on, urgently trying to figure out how to save her, how to sacrifice himself in her place, she let go.

And his world ended. 

He didn’t know how he made it back to the others. His memory between her death and getting to the present only came in brief flashes. He remembered waking up in a body of water. He remembered seeing the soul stone. And he remembered standing in a circle with the team. 

He had to tell the others. He wished someone else could do it, but there was no one else. He was the only one who could tell them what happened. 

And then they won, and Tony died. Tony, that self-centered, arrogant, erratic, brilliant, selfless hero. Tony got a memorial. Nat didn’t. Clint guessed it was because of the timing of it all.

So after Tony’s memorial, after he had a bit more time to process and to be with his family–-something he never thought possible before Nat came along and dragged him back to the team–-he gave her a memorial.

He didn’t want to bother the remaining Avengers. Didn’t want to drudge up those sad feelings more than necessary. So he took Laura. The two of them flew to Budapest, and they walked to the spot where Nat and Clint first truly bonded–the spot where Nat became his closest friend.

Through the tears, he found himself talking to Nat on that bridge. He started reminiscing about old times. He remembered when he made a different call, when they fought together, when they fought against each other, when they fought side-by-side again…. And then he found himself thanking her. He thanked her for giving him hope when he thought it wasn’t possible, and he thanked her for never losing hope in him.

With a broken heart, Clint took his wife home. And Clint held on to hope.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm obviously bitter that (though the movie was amazing), they did not give Nat a proper memorial. So this has been my take on Clint's viewpoint during Endgame events and what happened after. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
